Warning: Explicit Language

Notice to all staff regarding foul language

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using excessive foul language during the execution of their duties. Please be aware that this type of language will not be tolerated.

However we do realise the importance of our staff being able to express themselves when communicating with other employees and their managers.

We therefore, with the assistance of our Human Resources Department, have compiled a list of code replacement phrases, so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive co-workers.

Old phrase: New phrase:
"No fucking way" "I'm fairly sure that's not feasible"
"Your fucking kidding" "Really"
"No cunt told me" "I wasn't involved in that project
"I don't have the fucking time" "Perhaps I could work overtime"
"Who fucking cares" "Are you sure that's a problem?"
"You made a right cunt of that" "Not the success one would have hoped for"
"Kiss my ass" "So you would like to help me now"
"You haven't got a fucking clue" "You could do with a little more training"
"You're a fucking wanker" "You're my manager and I respect you"
"She's a ball busting bastard" "She's an ambitious go getter"
"This place is fucked" "We're a little disorganised today"
"Fuck me" "My goodness"
"Fuck off" "I'll look into it and get back to you"
"Fuck off arsehole" "I no longer require your assistance"
"He's a fucking prick" "He's somewhat lacking in experience"
"Where the fuck did you come from?" "You're new here aren't you?"